The Best Compliments for Your Child

“Jackie, I like your pants”

“Ben, I like your haircut”

“Oooh, look at that pretty dress”

“Your shoes are so perfect!”

We all love compliments, and while these compliments might be befitting for the moment in which it’s being expressed, we (educators, parents, family and friends) have to be cognizant of the compliments that we are giving our children. Let me explain a little further, I’m all for giving praises to our children when they accomplish something or even when they look fantastic. However, we can't allow the compliments to be limited to the appearance of the child. You see, positive social and emotional development is critical to a child’s ability to develop and sustain relationships with their peers, adults, and engagement with their surroundings. This area of development directly impacts their self-confidence, sensitivity towards others, and their overall potential to develop significant and lasting friendships. The compliments that you give to your child(ren) provide an idea of what is important, which essentially places a value on what is complimented. I’m not saying that complimenting your child's attire or artwork will be detrimental to their social and emotional development, what I am saying is that in addition to compliments about their appearance and other accomplishments, we should also prioritize complimenting the skill acquired or developed during the act.

For example:

Instead of only complimenting, “I love your shirt, it’s so pretty” maybe you could try complimenting the skill that was acquired in putting on the shirt. For example, “wow, I noticed this time you were able to button your shirt by yourself, great job!”

Here’s another one we could use interchangeably. Instead of saying “your haircut makes you look so cute!” let’s try “you were so patient in sitting still in the barber chair!”

I’m hoping that you see where this is going and that you will make an attempt to compliment your child in this way!